Sunday, April 18, 2010

Calories Burned


On a scale of one to ten, my resemblance to Marilyn Monroe at her best remains at approximately zero. My resemblance to Marilyn at her worst is still approximately zero, approaching infinity. In truth, I don't wish to approach infinity just yet.


With nicer weather [HAH!] I am looking for some easy pleasurable ways to burn calories.
sailor-kiss
I would even be willing to wear a nurse's outfit
Haha, only kidding (certainly about the shoes)
.
Barring all this folderol, I am starting down the list at HealthStatus.com.


Aerobics, high impact. That would be a negative. Ain't going there.

Who would volunteer to be in front of me during this exercise? Yeah, that's what I thought.
puppy-sleeping-on-back

Aerobics, low impact. Is that the same as walking? How about reading in bed while bending my leg up and down? Wouldn't that count? 45 minutes of low impact aerobics at my weight burns 308 calories. That's about one Lean Cuisine. Something tells me they're not going to accept my leg-bending technique.

Archery. 30 minutes 116 calories It would probably take me the full 30 minutes to find the right arrow in the quiver (I've always wanted to work with a quiver, though), then another 30 to hold it up across the bow in correct position. Now if I were to hit someone with the arrow and take off running, I suppose that would burn more.

Bicycling. 30 mins of "leisure" bicycling burns 134 calories. God, this is all pansy ass stuff, isn't it? I want something that burns off the fat fast. Plus I only like to go downhill and you can't do that around here.

File:WomanBasketballPlayerNo5.jpg


Basketball, full court, 30 minutes: 371 cals. I suppose that's more like it. But only 371? Yeesh, I could pound down six fudgcicles pretty fast and would their pleasure equal the agony of basketball?
Image


236 calories in 30 minutes of basketball officiating. Could I earn this by sitting in my chair and officiating from home?
"THAT WAS A FOUL!"
"OUT OF BOUNDS, BUDDY."
"WHAT A FREAKING ACTOR!"
If I had a bag of Cheez-Its in my hand, I could eat a few handfuls while I did the officiating. But I'm more honorable than that.

I don't want my reward until after I've earned it.



Thirty minutes of card playing. Dude, I'm there! And that burns 53 calories. Every half hour I can enjoy one crisp Oreo cookie. Deal me in!

But wait. 30 minutes of brushing teeth burns 84 calories. I don't think I can maintain proper brush rhythm for that long. And it would be a shame to eat something afterwards, so what would be the point?

Maybe I should jump right to the big stuff. Boxing in the ring against a real partner: 406 calories. Maybe this is what I need. I hope I get to pick my partner.

I can think of one or two I might not mind bashing. Of course I don't want to get bashed. Nothing is simple.
Hope your springtime is going well, dear reader. Cold and rainy here.
A bientot
love,becky

8 Comments:

At 8:26 AM , Blogger Kay McKenzie Cooke. said...

You make me chuckle Becky - thank you!

 
At 7:32 AM , Blogger Becky Willis Motew said...

Aw thanks, Kay. Enjoying seeing more poetry from you on FB.

 
At 9:35 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice to see you are still on the diet. Keep up the good work.

 
At 7:03 PM , Blogger Becky Willis Motew said...

Thanks, anon. Are you my scale?

 
At 1:03 AM , Blogger sandman1 said...

Well, there is a scale that tweets, so why not go one better and make a scale that posts encouraging comments on your blog?

How many calories could you burn bashing a scale, I wonder. Depends on how much of a bashing it warrants, I suppose... but in that sense, the more you ought to burn calories, the more you'll want to!

 
At 9:30 AM , Blogger Becky Willis Motew said...

haha, sm.

I'm guessing you're on Twitter. I am on it and follow three people. I don't get it, really.

 
At 10:33 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...

Actually I'm not on Twitter -- I don't get it either. I'm not really a 140-character kind of guy...

(I read about the scale on a gadget blog somewhere along the way.)

 
At 9:21 PM , Blogger lillyadams79 said...

Monitoring Calories Burned during your workout routine could be really helpful in keeping you motivated. I use this website that tells you how many calories were burned during the exercise you did that day http://www.fitclick.com/how_many_calories_burned

 

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