Thursday, June 18, 2009

If I Were Really Cynical

I would complain that life is boring. I wouldn't say it was just my life either. I would go out on a limb and say all life is boring, for everybody.



I'll bet Paris Hilton's life is boring.



Shown here channeling Jackie Kennedy and Elton John, I am sure she feels that entirely too much time is spent on airplanes. That's right. It's an onerous burden and a boring one if you are she. Think of the time spent/squandered. Clearance at Bergdorf's in NYC? Red eye. Sidewalk Sale on Rodeo Drive? Returning red eye. What can you do on an airplane besides read a magazine? They won't let you work out. You can't text or talk on your cell or buy anything.



I guess you can have sex on one. People say they do. But I'll bet not that many people do.

So if they're not having sex, they're reading magazines. That's pretty much it.

Paris Hilton is right.

Also bored--you can just bet--is my main gal Martha. God, she looked good when she got out of the slam, didn't she?


martha-stewart Trimmed down, toned up, and ready to install the most difficult screen doors on the market. Being on a TV show would be wicked interesting for all of us, but for her, it's ho hum. BORING. Instructing the masses on one more holiday centerpiece with a live beehive gets freaking old, my friend. Is that all there is? One more pineapple Key Lime tylenol-flavored charlotte russe? BFD.



So she's bored for sure.

The Pope is probably bored as all hell. I bet he swears too. Not the swearing that has God in it or Christ--oh christ, no--but the rest of it. LISTEN TO ME, YOU MOTHERFKING MONSIGNOR! YOU RAISE TWO MILLION MORE FOR YOUR PARISH OR IT'S SHITSVILLE FOR YOU!. NADA. NO MORE OF THIS PANSYASS "I DONT WANNA ASK THE PEOPLE FOR MORE MONEY!" YOU'LL ASK 'EM OR YOU'RE FKED!

Shown here during a recent game of Charades [five words, movie,] and sending a secret Vatican hand signal at the same time--Hook 'Em Horns! Or just placing his bar order. But still, boring. What's he going to do for fun--it's not like he can cruise out to put a few benjamins down on the ponies. So what else? You can wear the white vestment or the green one, that's about it. With crosses or without. And the hat--he's got to be miserable in that thing. Wouldn't want the Pope to be called --gasp--GAY. So they'd better continue to hide the bobby pins if they're using them. I bet they serve a lot of macaroni in the Vatican. It's Italy after all. In Catholicism, you can earn time off your eventual sentence in purgatory by saying certain prayers. I wonder if the Pope can actually add time to your sentence.


MANICOTTI AGAIN? TWO ADDITIONAL MONTHS FOR YOU, ANTHONY! MONTHS WHERE YOU WILL TWIST AND WRITHE IN THE FLAMES OF HELL! THINK THEN OF THE VEAL PICCATA YOU COULD HAVE PREPARED! AND THERE'LL BE NO MIKE'S LEMONADE DOWN THERE EITHER--


Whew. Dang. I think I need a hug. No, I don't. I hate it when people say that.

And don't worry. This is all only if I were cynical. And you, dear reader, know that I am not.


Live the Dream. Be Here Now. Send Money. Haha, One is a Joke.

love,

becky

4 Comments:

At 8:34 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...

I think boredom is a sign of intelligence, in a course-grained sense. Snails and worms don't get bored. Cats kind of do, but snap right out of it when the can opener goes. Only humans can contemplate life in a larger sense, and appreciate how the boredom will only come back again soon after the can opener stops, and elevate the concept to ennui.

Maybe need to spend a lot of time bored, though, to better appreciate the occasional non-boring bits.

It's harder to be here now, nowadays, when everyone else is somewhere else courtesy of their effing cellphones...

 
At 7:29 AM , Blogger Becky Motew said...

You raise so many good questions, sm. Can openers and cats made me laugh. I am walking around with cat hair in my mouth these days. It's hard for me to admit that Living the Dream is just the tiniest tiniest bit b-------oh, I can't say it.

b

 
At 6:05 AM , Blogger Kay said...

You forgot the choice of purple vestments as well.
Channeling Jackie and Elton - classic!
I take it living the dream sometimes lacks challenge?
Ah, but you're in the middle of a New England summer ... being bored in summer is allowed - maybe even obligatory.

 
At 7:05 AM , Blogger Becky Motew said...

You're right, Kay. Purple vestments and gosh, they're somewhat boring too.

My mother would have said I need more gumption!
b

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home