Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day Guidelines


Valentine's Day is a holiday for Hallmark and florists. No one else benefits nearly as much as they do.

Having said that, there aren't many problems between a man and a woman that can't be at least partially solved by a dozen long stemmed red roses.

ARE YOU KIDDING? HOW HYPOCRITICAL! DO YOU THINK BIG PROBLEMS SUCH AS LYING AND CHEATING AND GAMBLING AWAY THE MORTGAGE CAN BE SOLVED BY A BUNCH OF MOLDY OLD FLOWERS THAT WILL BE DEAD INSIDE OF TWO DAYS?

Nothing makes a woman feel more special than red roses.



YEAH, OKAY, WHATEVER.


It's particularly fun to receive flowers at work.

YEAH? YOU BETTER HOPE HE ISN'T SENDING A BETTER BUNCH TO SOMEONE ELSE DOWN THE ROW FROM YOU!

Try to remember that red is the color of love.



1 Dozen coloured Roses


Don't fall for other shades. White, for instance, stands for purity and innocence.

PURITY AND WHAT? A MAN CAN GET THAT WITHOUT A CREDIT CARD. THIS COLOR BUSINESS IS BULLSHIT. WHAT DOES PURPLE MEAN ANYWAY? SORRY ABOUT THE BRUISES?


Candy is another traditional choice.


A GUY SEES YOU DIETING AND SUFFERING AND SAVING UP CALORIES FOR ONE LOUSY FISTFUL OF DORITOS AND HE SENDS YOU CANDY? NOTHING SHOWS HE ISN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU MORE THAN THIS! OF ALL THE SELECTIONS, THIS COULD BE A TIRE-SLASHING EVENT!

Godiva chocolates are an excellent choice and suggest richness and elegance.




IT MEANS HE WANTS TO SEE YOU NAKED ON A HORSE.

I think I'd better clear out of here, dear reader, as the hordes are becoming restive.

THE WHORES ARE WHAT?

I'm trying to be honest and not tell lies.
Roger Clemens

Have a great Valentine's Day, whatever comes your way.
A bientot
love,
becky

2 Comments:

At 10:02 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...

What about red, heart-shaped, helium-filled foil balloons that also say, in case you weren't sure of the occasion, Happy Valentine's Day on them? Hey, it would be tacky to send some everyday balloons and not the ones specially made for the day.

I saw such an array bobbing lazily at the front desk today, and they were still there three hours later. I wondered if the recipient had taken one look and turned on her heel.

Still, probably some poor guy with his heart in the right place. I'm just being mean because I don't have anyone to send things to. Hey, I guess the balloons did do some good!

 
At 6:50 AM , Blogger Becky Motew said...

Didn't think of balloons, sm. They strike a good balance, it seems to me. I talk big, you know? In truth, if I'm lucky enough to have someone want to give me something, I'm thrilled.
b

 

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