OVER THE EDGE

See those napkins? Guess who folded them in the upscale restaurant "pyramid" style? Yup, yours truly. You really can learn anything on the internet. Thank you very much. I'm seeing myself as Martha's little known but clumsier (younger?) sibling. I fold napkins. I change toilet seats. So far, that's all she lets me do, but someday I will get my hands on the fricassee pan and then we'll see who knows how to braise the bratwurst. Or perhaps to avoid coarseness I should say brulee.

What am I talking about?

I'm into it. I'm playing Eugene Ormandy and the Philadelphia Orchestra performing The Nutracker and sometimes I try a few of those ballet moves right there in my kitchen.

It's an odd sight.

I haven't taken out a window or anything yet, but then I haven't really cracked into the Bailey's yet either. There are two giant virgin bottles of the stuff in the closet. They are for our Christmas Eve mudslides. Martha won't be here for that. We tend to go a little wild when she's not around. I spent $215 on liquor and it makes me feel faint. You'd be surprised how little that is.

Here is my REAL LIVE tree. I was talked into it, of course, by members of the royal family. They helped decorate it, but I noticed a few days later that almost half of the decorations are still in the box.

Guess what, dear reader? They still are.

I made this angel when I was around nine.

I had help.

My mother made this doll and it reminds me for some reason of Chucky, the doll that stabs people. It's rather eerie, but Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without it.

I have a friend who likes to hide it on me. I have found it in the microwave, in the bathroom, and the refrigerator. I think it is alive and so does my friend.

This is a very large Santa Claus that my son once said was big enough to frighten small children. I hope it does not.

Here it is trying to run my recalcitrant vacuum cleaner, the one that ONCE AGAIN HAS FAILED WHEN I NEED IT.

I am incredibly angry about this, but keeping myself controlled. It's what Martha would want.

I guess.

Anyway, dear reader, those are the preparations to date.

People are nice in the stores right now, although not as nice in the liquor store as you would think. Maybe we're all a little embarrassed. Geez, do you think you have enough beer, mister? Who's coming over, the belching football team? Sorry. No, actually, I don't think I do have enough Bailey's. I may be back for more.

A bientot

love,

becky