PURGE

In keeping with recent existential concerns, my day started with this question: What is the purpose of a lone sock?

Furthermore, what is the purpose of KEEPING a lone sock?

And finally, WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF KEEPING A LONE SOCK IN THE SOCK DRAWER FOR MORE THAN FIVE YEARS?

This has led to a rather violent cleaning out of my sock drawer today and I'm sorry I started, though I think I'll be glad later. In truth, the formal name for this drawer is the sock/underwear/stopwatch/old prescription granny glasses/truly peculiar jewelry drawer.

I was tough. I was in fact heartless. You would have been proud of me, dear reader.

Here were the rules.

1) Anything over five years old that hasn't been worn or used or wept over? GONE!! VAMOOSE!! HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!!

2) Any underwear with flowers, days of the week, or that used to belong to my mother? [good God!!!] GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!!! YOU'RE OUT OF HERE!!!

3) Any sock without a mate, even if it's a close match? SAYONARA, BIG BOY!!! DON'T LET THE DOOR TO THE TRASH BIN HIT YOU ON THE HEEL ON YOUR WAY OUT!!

I started out being way cruel to the scarves but then started wavering [that's always death in a purge] Styles come back. We could possibly wear weird Timothy Leary LSD-influenced paisley bow ties again. It's possible. So a few of those made the cut. Any scarf larger than a roadmap of Worcester is now GONZO. Little tiny scarves, like Dale Evans and cowgirls used to wear, I kept, although if I wore one of those, I'd probably strangle myself with it. Those things are small. You could use them for snakebite tourniquets. Remember the ghost story about the woman who always wore the purple choker until the day she died and they took it off and HER HEAD FELL OFF??? Maybe that will be me. Hwaaaaaaaa!

Keep this in mind. THIS WAS NOT THE SCARF DRAWER. So any scarves that were in there were there under FALSE PRETENSES and deserved what they got. As I said, many of them were let back in, including a few schmattes that should have gone.

I even tried to throw out some trashy old paperbacks that were lurking near the drawer. It's hard for me to throw out a book, though, so most of those are still here too.

See, that's what happens with a purge. It only lasts a certain number of minutes before you start to weaken. But some good was done.

I FEEL SO FREE!!!!!

Soon I may start on the kitchen cupboards and the police may have to be alerted to that one. The crockery will be flying.

Living the Very Last of the Dream,

love,

becky