Saturday, August 19, 2006

current events

Since I have nothing to report on the writing front, I may as well comment on what is going on in the world. Not that I have any right to, of course, but then, how many do?

I read in the Boston Globe today that Hezbollah is giving out packets of twelve thousand American dollars CASH to people who needed help rebuilding their homes in Lebanon.

That is a persuasive technique.

Boston has just benefited during the last two decades from the largest public works project ever in history, the Big Dig. The purpose of it, I believe, was to get rid of all the expressways above ground so we could have parks and statues up there and a series of tunnels underneath that would still get us to the airport. It took two decades to finish. The federal government paid for most of it. Thanks, you guys!!! Your boondoggle dollars at work. It seemed too good to be true.

And it was.


First there were leaks. Bad enough. Imagine sitting gridlocked in an underground tunnel and noticing that water around you is rising. Whew. But you know what? We New Englanders can take that. Many of us are Red Sox fans and used to adversity and rising panic. A lot of us are fishermen, living so close to the ocean, and we aren't bothered by maritime predicaments. So okay, bring it.

Then a big section of it collapsed and killed someone. Turns out many of the underground roofing sections are held in place with epoxy--look up that word, boys and girls. It means GLUE. Glue? Holding up trillions of pounds of automobiles and cement mixers and who knows what else? Almost every day there is another article about someone ten years ago who warned everyone that the glue wouldn't hold.

I SAID IT WOULDN'T WORK AND I WAS RIGHT!!!

Yeah, okay, shut up.

But the big question is, when will all those tunnels and entranceways and ramps be open? And who will have confidence to drive in them? If you take Logan Express to the airport today, your bus will be allowed in the Ted Williams tunnel. I don't get that. If it's unsafe for everybody, why is it safe for the bus riders?

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S UNSAFE--JUST GET ME TO MY FLIGHT. That's the new motto of Logan Express.
Meanwhile, thanks to all of you from the other states who contributed so generously to this debacle. We appreciate your largesse.

You don't see many monuments or statues going up these days and that's too bad. The Brits put up that big Ferris wheel to commemorate the milennium and we did bupkas. We're not leaving our mark. I think I might bury some really confusing items in the forest behind my house for future scholars.

WHAT IS THIS?

I WOULD SAY THAT IS A FLAT IRON. WOMEN USED THEM TO HAVE REALLY STRAIGHT BANGS.

WHAT WERE BANGS?

THEY SHOT OUT FROM THE FOREHEAD AND HUNG DOWN IN A WOMAN'S FACE. THEY WERE WAY COOL.

HUH?

VERNACULAR FROM THE TIME FRAME. THAT THING YOU'RE HOLDING NOW WAS A TRAP, PROBABLY MEANT FOR SQUIRRELS.

IS THE FLAT IRON CONNECTED TO IT?

IT'S CONFUSING. DID PEOPLE TRY TO STRAIGHTEN THE HAIR OF THE SQUIRRELS? DID SQUIRRELS HAVE BANGS?

I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN TUNNEL ENGINEERING.

Our governor is running for prez. He's a slick dude and because he's Mormon, makes me personally think of the show BIG LOVE, which I adore. Not that I adore Romney by any means and I wish he would raise my adjunct pay in my job. Fat chance.

Did this weird guy Karr really kill JonBenet? And we never heard of him before? That goes against one of my pet theories that no one anywhere can keep a secret. Mostly you can blame the National Enquirer for this phenomenon.

I WAS IN AN ELEVATOR WITH BRITNEY SPEARS AND SHE SAID SHE HATED HER HUSBAND. WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME FOR MY STORY?

Headed to the mall, boys and girls, with a serious shopping jones.
A bientot
becky

5 Comments:

At 11:49 PM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

Ha ha. I like this newspaper!
Glue? Glue? Did you say Glue?
This is a version of the news I'd stop doing (almost) anything for!

 
At 11:49 PM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

Ha ha. I like this newspaper!
Glue? Glue? Did you say Glue?
This is a version of the news I'd stop doing (almost) anything for!

 
At 8:00 AM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

Sorry about repeating myself there - I am having trouble with blogger and comments ... oh well I suppose that's better than having trouble with blubber and condoms! Oh dear. (It's late.)

 
At 8:00 AM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

Sorry about repeating myself there - I am having trouble with blogger and comments ... oh well I suppose that's better than having trouble with blubber and condoms! Oh dear. (It's late.)

 
At 7:22 AM , Blogger Becky said...

Hmmm, Chief, blubber and condoms--sounds like Saturday night at my house--NOT

 

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