Thursday, April 06, 2006

Getting Larger

No, I don't mean I myself am getting larger; hopefully, I am getting smaller by the day (12.5 total loss). I mean my computer screen. The computer viper must have snuck in overnight and changed the settings to LARGE because everything is TRES GRANDE. I went to the settings and it only says "normal." Normal for intergalactic nine-feet-tall space aliens, maybe. Normal for a giant quivering eyeball with bloodshot red veins that sits up in a chair and reads to itself, maybe, but not for me.

My son is trying to help, but he's not here. Is there a movie where the main character is swallowed by the computer? Should there be?

In other news, I was interviewed today by a charming young woman who looks a lot like Sandra Bullock, who would be perfect in the leading role of COUPON GIRL. She asked me good questions and I stumbled and stammered and pretty much blithered my way through. I begged her not to make me sound like a dipshit and she said she would. PRESTO!!! NO LONGER A DIPSHIT!! That's like the old joke, "will I be able to play the violin after the surgery? Yes? Oh thank god, I never could before."

I just set another booksigning at Hudson Art & Framing in Hudson, MA and I think it will, well, kick ass. I don't normally like to use vulgar words, but I was reading someone else's blog yesterday and noticed that she used the word "ass" in a hip very cool way. "It looked ass," which meant, I think, that it looked bad, really bad. That seemed so cool to me and it makes me wonder if I could use other parts with equal assurance.

"That dress looks scrotum on you. "

Or the alternate "That dress looks penis."

Or even the really insulting "That dress looks penis with ulcerated sores."

It may take me a while to get the hang of it.

Meanwhile, tomorrow I'm off to a writers' convention. I'm staying in a hotel with a nice shower!!!!! What a luxury.

A bientot

7 Comments:

At 3:59 AM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

I tried to send a comment earlier in the day but it didn't take for some reason. Congrats on the weight loss. What's your secret? I am trying for a 10 kilo loss by the end of the year. So far it's s-l-o-w-l-y going.
I liked your descriptions of the interview .. sounds like you are getting some good publicity. That's got to be good. Are you working on a second book now?

 
At 7:20 AM , Blogger Becky said...

yes, Chief, I am working on a second book, the one I've been calling Victory. The weight loss has been SLLOOOOOOOOOW.

Thanks,
b

 
At 7:19 PM , Blogger Frankie said...

You are totally big boobs. (Did I do that right? It turned out as a compliment, right?)

 
At 9:08 PM , Blogger Becky said...

Thanks, frankie. I like to think I'm uterus, especially when trying to write.

 
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